3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
