I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
