Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
