Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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