so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
