I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
