Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
