You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
