Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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