So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have already put on my inside pants.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
