I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
