i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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