Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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