It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
