I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
