carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
