i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Randomize
