I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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