U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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