What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
