dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
