I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize