is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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