I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
