and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
