I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We got so high we made milksteak
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
