Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
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Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
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You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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