If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
