Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
