I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
