great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
soo... how was my night?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
