how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
