I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.