well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
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WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
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It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is