White coat. Heels.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.