Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm home, then i'll come over
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.