I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
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Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.