I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
