my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize