You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
