i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she woke up with a sticky ear
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
