My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
