I hate all girls vehemently.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
