What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
