So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize