it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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