Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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