i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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