My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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