guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
