So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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