we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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