i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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