I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
