that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
