i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
