I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
