I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
