honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
