Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
