so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I woke up under a house in Key West
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