I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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