what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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