then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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