I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
