Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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