i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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