Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
