Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
