Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
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Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
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Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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