Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So here I am, sexting at work.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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