I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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