omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
