she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
