Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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