he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
