she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
