you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
