Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
