I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
