I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
