my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
