There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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