All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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