My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
