Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All I want is dick and wine.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
