Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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