haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
