i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
