I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
